We’ve had an exciting week. I think probably the highlight was Thursday night, so let’s start with that.

There’s this guy named Matt who, for the past few years, has been traveling the world, filming himself dancing badly in interesting places, and then combining all the footage for the year into a single fun video. He’s become a celebrity on the internet doing this, and you can see the 2005 and 2006 videos at his website: www.wherethehellismatt.com.

Matt came to dance in Tel Aviv Thursday, and he wanted as many people as possible to go join him. We certainly weren’t going to pass up an opportunity to be famous on the interweb - so we piled a few friends in the car and went to check it out. We had a blast, and you can see how much fun we had by watching the video on youtube, or if you are a facebook user, there is a higher quality version here.

But that’s not all! After “dancing” with Matt, nine of us went to the first ever monster truck rally in Israel. WHOOAH! MONSTER TRUCKS! YEAH! It was entertaining, but there weren’t enough opportunities to yell our lungs out so I didn’t get a chance to lose my voice (which I think is the REAL goal of these events). I’ll put pictures in the gallery soon.

Well, that was Thursday, but other highlights from the week include:

• a long conversation with our neighbor who is perpetually angry and unhappy. Yes, this is the neighbor who poisoned one of the trees in our parking lot because it was dropping leaves on the sidewalk in front of his house. This conversation’s topics were: his trip to Romania (from his description, don’t ever go there), our other neighbor asking way to much to sell his house, and the oppressive heat (it HAS been unbelievably hot here lately). I love my angry neighbor, because he can turn anything into a cause for great fury.

• a new house boy. Laura Gail (who works with us at the Embassy) had a visiting boyfriend in need of a home, and he fits nicely in our guest bedroom.

• a broken down car. That’s right, our extremely trusty and dependable Ford Focus gave up the ghost in the German Colony yesterday on the way home. We called the towing company, and they didn’t have us registered - which is a problem only our insurance agency can fix - our insurance agency, which is not open Fridays or Saturdays. Fortunately we were on a hill, so Franklin was able to roll the car backwards down a few streets into a legal parking spot.

• a new diet. We’re trying to eat healthy and get in shape, and we’re doing it the South Beach way. We’re now almost done with Phase 1 (thank the Lord), so soon we will be eating more than just tons and tons of vegetables and lean meat. I spend a huge portion of every day in the kitchen cooking, which is more fun than I would have guessed. Actually, many many of our friends here are also doing the SB diet, so we have a lot of support.

Well, that’s the news from Lake Wo…er…from Jerusalem, where all the men are small, the women carry guns, and the children are wildly spoiled.

General, best of | 1 Comment »

Israel is a Nation where the seasons are marked by the holidays they contain. The Biblical festivals are spread throughout the year, and are celebrated with a whole-hearted enthusiasm that is almost entirely without consumerism. And today’s Israelis have found uniquely appropriate ways to integrate ancient traditions with modern-day life.

The fall festivals are almost upon us. I see the evidence everywhere. The weather is cooling off significantly, and you can almost smell the approaching rain. Lined up on the pavement outside every toy store is a breathtaking display of tiny bicycles - ready to be ridden for the first time down the streets of Jerusalem on the evening of Yom Kippur, when there will be no cars on the roads, guaranteed. People are making plans for the placement of their succah, the little outdoor structure they’ll be eating all their meals in soon. The atmosphere in the neighborhood is very warm - people are taking the time to stop and talk to eachother in the streets, to get reaquainted and make plans to have coffee and eat meals together. Families are regathering, taking time to touch base and relax together.

The first of these holidays is Rosh HaShanah - the new year. Soon the sound of the ram’s horn will be heard throughout the city, and we’ll be dipping apples in honey in anticipation of a sweet year. The holiday begins tomorrow afternoon and doesn’t end until sundown Sunday. It’s a full Shabbat, so everything will be closed during this time.

I’ve lived in Israel for many years, and I’ve seen many a new year. So tell me - WHY, OH WHY did I put off going to the grocery store until this afternoon?! And why does it seem that everyone else in Jerusalem did the exact same thing? I knew I was in trouble when I almost couldn’t get into the parking lot. I grabbed the very last shopping cart and shoved my way through the door. The grocery store I frequent has (of course!) chosen this day to rearrange two of it’s “aisles” (I use this term loosely - if you’ve ever been in a grocery store in the Middle East, you’ll know exactly what I mean) and install a gigantic display for paper towels (but of course, it would be a waste to use it just for paper towels, so they’re trying to shove feminine products, exotic spices, and canned vegitables in the thing as well. This is a complicated endeavor, which involves 4 grown men and much shouting and arm waving). The checkout is understaffed (probably because half the employees are erecting that rediculous paper towel display), and the few women working checkout look pretty frazzled. Watch your step with them, it doesn’t take much to make them snap. If you do anything wrong, your check-out girl will most definately decide to take her cigarette break in the middle of scanning your groceries.

All in all, it’s as chaotic a scene as anything I’ve ever seen here (and that’s saying quite a lot). I can’t wait to do it again next year.

Happy new year to you all - may this year be sweet for you and yours.

Life in Israel, best of | 3 Comments »

Don’t bother showing up on time. The groom is 2 hours late, and don’t even ask about the bride. But don’t arrive too late, because there will be plenty of amazing food and you yourself will need plenty of time to shmooze with family and friends (don’t worry, they won’t be on time either).Once the principals finally arive, the ceremony will begin. Israeli weddings (much like everything else in Israel) are extrememly casual - which is strange when you consider that they are also very traditional, with elements going back thousands of years. Some of these elements seem very foreign to me as an American (the bride circling the groom 7 times, the central role of the contract outlining the terms of the marriage, glass smashing, etc.), but for the most part, things look vaguely familiar. The bride and groom are glowing with nervous excitement. The family is hovering nearby, happy and sad at the same time. The officiant has a lot to say, and no one is listening. My favorite part is near the end. The officiant will take the tallit from the shoulders of the groom, cover the couple with it, and sing the Aaronic Benediction over them. I cry every time.

After the ceremony comes the (massive, amazing) sit down dinner. Roasting of the couple will ensue. Finally, the part of the evening the guests have all been waiting for will arrive - time to hit the dance floor. Failure to dance at an Israeli wedding is a massive insult. If you like the couple at all, you’d best be on the dance floor. Don’t worry if you can’t dance - no one else can either. If you’re lucky, they’ll play lots of klezmer and middle eastern dance music, and you’ll wind up dancing in circles and throwing people into the air - fun fun.

Finally, broken, battered and exhausted, you’ll climb into your car (unable to hear anything because the music is always too loud) and head home.

Last night our dear friend Shmulik got married. Shmulik, his mother, and his 3 sisters are really more like family than friends. Twelve years ago, when Franklin and I were newly married, living in a foreign land (Tel Aviv - as foreign as foreign lands get), and couldn’t speak a lick of Hebrew, Daisy and her kids took us in. They fed us, entertained us, educated us, and loved us. We are forever grateful.

The ceremony was beautiful (on the beach just south of Tel Aviv at sunset), and the food was amazing, but I think what I enjoyed the most about the evening was the incredible sense of family that I felt. We love being a part of the Salway Clan, and we’re exceedingly pleased to see Shmulik so happily married. Many blessings for you, Shmulik and Suzie, as you begin your new life together.

General, best of | 6 Comments »

We planted the tree about a year ago, and didn’t really think that it would bear fruit so soon. For one thing, we never water it. It’s a scawny, ugly little thing. So imagine my surprise the other day when standing in the back yard I noticed that our little pomegranate tree had produced one massive fruit. The thing is huge, it had bent the fecund branch almost all the way to the ground.

My husband must have noticed it too, because this morning when I went downstairs it was sitting on the kitchen counter. How odd that such a young neglected tree would choose to put all it’s energy into a single fruit.

The pomegranate is a symbol of righteousness and fertility. I wonder what this pomegranate means for us.

Apparently there’s a war going on here. You couldn’t tell by looking out of our window. It’s Friday night now, and the streets are quiet. We can hear the neighbors singing Shabbat songs, welcoming in the day of rest that marks another week as completed.

General, best of | 5 Comments »

I love working at the Embassy.

Today, our media department staged a mock election. They offered cake for each ballot cast, and extra ballots (and cake) could be purchased for 10 NIS. Voting was completely public, and everyone who voted had to state their reason for their selection. A large poster was erected with the names of the major parties, and a picture of the party’s number 2 person (so everyone would know who would be in charge if number 1 had a stroke. Irreverent, I know.)

I must say that I was shocked by the results. Even figuring in the bribery and the massive amount of voter fraud (hanging chads have nothing on us, baby), people gave the most interesting reasons for casting their vote. If this truly reflects the way in which people make voting choices, I’m appalled. Here are my observations:

• A surprising number of voters chose whichever party their boss voted for
• More than one person voted for whomever their politically savvy spouse or friend voted for
• Both Sharon and Bibi received sympathy votes - Sharon because he’s in a coma, and Bibi because losing would end his political career
• Several people cast their vote for a party because they had had personal encounters with the party leader - and by encounter, I mean they passed nearby on the street. One Embassy-ite cast her vote for Kadima because she came near Olmert, and his body-guards were hot.
• People tended to be narrow in their focus on the issues. For example: our Social Assistance department voted Labor, because of their stance on social issues; a majority of our, er, elder volunteers voted for Pensioner’s rights; quite a few votes for Likud were cast because Bibi would be good for Israel economically; one vote for Meretz because they would probably let us have citizenship; and our Russians all voted for Israel Beiteinu.
• Strangely for a Christian Zionist organization, very few (only one, I think) voted for reasons involving the division of the land of Israel or for broader middle east issues.
• “Hemp is Hip”
• We had one eeny meeny miny mo voter

Here are the (almost meaningless) results:

All in all, it was a very eye-opening experience. I sure hope things are going better in the real elections.

Life in Israel, best of | No Comments »